I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
