Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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