its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
