Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
