It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
