So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
