We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize