think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
