So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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