Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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