yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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