Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize