how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize