and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Is it penis luge time yet?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
