So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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