Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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