Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Hippo gnu deer
i drank out of a bidet.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
