I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
