it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
