I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
