he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
