Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
