C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
