i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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