whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
