I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
