overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
