Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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