this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize