Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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