"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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