I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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