pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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