I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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