I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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