i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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