I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
