So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
