i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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