I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
