he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
