He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
