he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
