If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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