come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
where are my eyebrows?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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