for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I need to sanitize my soul.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
