Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
