I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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