i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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