You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
