don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize