Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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