I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
