I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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