i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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