i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
