Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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