Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
