How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
