i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
