So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
