She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
