just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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