He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize