Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
