if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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