i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have aggressive nipples.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
