I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize