um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize