You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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