so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize