if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
