Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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