Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
