i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize