Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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