OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
