I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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